Another week down.
Time moves weird when you’re healing. It’s not quite fast, not quite slow. Just stretchy – like chewing gum that’s lost its flavor but won’t let go.
I’m still home, still recovering from this back injury that decided to interrupt my life with all the grace of an unexpected pothole. And to be honest, I’m not entirely sure if I’m actually getting better, or if my body is just too medicated to complain effectively. It’s hard to say. I was prescribed ibuprofen and Novaminsulfon, and for a while, the combo helped. Until my stomach said, “You thought.” Waking up at 3AM with a sour, crampy gut is not the vibe. So now I’m sticking with just Novaminsulfon – stomach-friendly, but not exactly a miracle worker on its own.
And while I’m not fully bedridden, I’m also not exactly functional in a way that feels satisfying. I’ve tried to do normal things – sorting documents, moving lightly around the apartment – but there’s this persistent, unpleasant sensation that creeps in when I do too much. Even just sitting for a bit, I start to feel that familiar discomfort – a strange pressure that starts in my back and seems to wrap toward my chest. It’s not draining, exactly. It’s just… off. A subtle but constant reminder that something still isn’t quite right.
To make things even sadder, we had to cancel our trip to Austria this Easter break. We were planning to visit my mother-in-law, who not only cooks so well (like, “clear-your-schedule-after-lunch” well), but also loves taking us to different beautiful spots in her area. The last time we were there was also during Easter – three years ago, which honestly feels like a lifetime ago.
She’s just the sweetest – endlessly thoughtful, always making sure we’re well-fed and gently coaxed out of the house for fresh air and some sightseeing. And she speaks only German, which makes every visit a delightful mix of warmth and mild panic as I try to decode full conversations using my B2 vocabulary and body language. We did get to see her last February, but there’s something about being in her home – that soft, welcoming little place that smells like good food and comfort – that we’ve really been missing.
And of course… I miss the Alps. That familiar sense of awe, of feeling tiny in the best possible way. The peace that comes from looking at snow-dusted peaks and thinking, maybe I don’t have to have everything figured out after all. The Alps are the kind of place that clears your head without asking questions. And while my back made the idea of an eight-hour train ride sound like medieval torture, my heart is still very much up there in the mountains, breathing in the crisp, high-altitude air.
Back in real life – and by “real,” I mean online – I’m still attending my B2 German course – because healing might pause your body, but not your grammar drills. Last Monday’s session was in person, and I made a small but necessary adjustment: I told my teacher I’d be sitting in the back from now on. Not because I suddenly gave up on learning, but because I have to stand up from time to time to ease my back. And doing that in the front row? Yeah, that would be a bit awkward for everyone involved. I’ll go back to my usual front-and-center spot when I’m well again – but for now, the back row is my little corner of compromise. Strangely, I kind of like it back there. It’s more relaxed, a little removed, and perfect for stretching discreetly while trying to understand why German needs so many cases.
And of course, I’ve been hanging out with the one and only Duolingo owl. With all this time on my hands, I’ve been on a pretty solid streak – and to make it more fun, I’ve been playing it with a friend. We send each other boosts, cheer each other on, and have streak goals, which somehow makes the whole thing feel cooler (and way more intense). I think I’m moving up to the next league soon, which sounds very impressive… until I remember that winning gems isn’t exactly the same as speaking naturally. Still, the pressure of not breaking the streak? Very real. And kind of fun, too.
My teacher told me recently – in the most matter-of-fact tone – “Deine Grammatik ist überall… auf B2-Niveau.” OR Your grammar is everywhere… at B2 level. And honestly? She’s right. The words are there, the structures are technically trying – but sometimes, it’s like they’re all attending class separately. Still, Duolingo keeps me engaged, and showing up, even if I’m not exactly handing in perfect essays just yet.
Still, I keep showing up. To class, to the app, to the tiny daily effort of building something that feels like progress. Some days it’s motivating. Other days it’s just… something to do between naps and Netflix.
Speaking of Netflix – I’ve become an aficionado of six-episode series. They’re the perfect length for commitment-phobic viewers like me. I finished The Perfect Couple, which was deliciously twisty and dramatic. Then I pivoted to Zero Day, which was a whole different flavor. A political thriller, not post-apocalyptic as the name might suggest, but more about how fear is weaponized – a story of politicians and power, of conspiracy and perception. It made me pause and think… then hit “next episode” anyway.
But here’s what I’m really learning: healing isn’t just about the body. It’s also about all the weird, quiet frustrations that show up when you’re forced to slow down. The boredom. The guilt. The “shoulds.” The deep, weird ache of missing things that used to feel ordinary – your schedule, your energy, your sense of movement in the world. You’re not sick-sick, but you’re definitely not well. Just… floating somewhere in between.
I’ve got about three more weeks of this. And while I’d love to say I’m using the time for deep reflection, journaling breakthroughs, or spiritual awakenings, the truth is… I’m here. Doing bits. Watching series. Learning grammar rules. Avoiding ibuprofen. Laughing at memes. Falling into Facebook Reel rabbit holes that somehow eat up an hour of my life without warning. And hoping that, by the time I return to “normal,” I’ll carry something with me – maybe more softness. Maybe more grace.
If you’re also in a strange season of rest you didn’t ask for – physically down, emotionally restless, somewhere in-between – I see you. It’s okay to be bored. It’s okay to feel behind. It’s okay if your version of “productive” today was brushing your hair, or switching from one show to another. Healing takes what it takes.
We’re getting there.
One awkward stretch, one grammar mistake, one skipped pill at a time.