It’s been a couple of weeks since my last personal update – last Sunday, I featured an inspiring story of Ymonette (which I hope you read!), and now it’s time to return to my own little world of healing, learning, and all the in-between.
The week before last was supposed to be my grand finale of sick leave. Cue the slow-motion montage of me rising like a phoenix, stretching triumphantly, and marching back to work stronger than ever.
Reality? Not quite.
But something in me shifted. Just imagining the Kita – the noise, the speed, the tiny humans needing everything all at once – was enough to stir up a full-body “Nope.” My left leg started aching with every step. My throat felt tight like I’d swallowed a sock. And one night, my chest hurt so much I genuinely considered calling emergency. Panic with a side of pain – not the comeback tour I was hoping for. From Monday to Thursday, it felt like everything came crashing down. I was spiralling. The anxiety wasn’t just in my head – it took over my whole body.
Thankfully, my doctor’s appointment was already set for Thursday. And once I sat down and blurted everything – the weird pains, the anxiety, the feeling that my body was staging a protest – he nodded, and listened. I felt heard. He ordered an X-ray of my left knee (thankfully nothing serious), and then we talked through my options.
That’s when he proposed something that gave me a deep breath of relief: a Wiedereingliederung. A transition plan. A soft landing. A “let’s not throw you back into the chaos just yet” kind of plan:
Week 1: 3 hours a day, no lifting.
Week 2: 4 hours, max 5kg.
Week 3: 6 hours, up to 10kg.
Still technically on sick leave, so not back to full salary – but you know what? Sanity over salary. I’ll take it.
I messaged my Team Leader right after the appointment, explaining the plan and hoping for the best. She replied that she’d check with our HR first – which was fair, but of course, I still spent the next few days overthinking every possible outcome 🙈. Eventually, she got back to me with the green light and a clear schedule for the next three weeks.
So starting tomorrow, I’ll begin easing back into work: 9am to 12pm for the first week, then 2nd week 9am to 1pm, then 3rd week 8am to 2pm – just with the bigger children for now. After that, the goal is to be fully back, no restrictions.
And when I got home from that appointment, I said it out loud – “Ich liebe Deutschland!”
Really. I’m grateful for the health system, for doctors who listen, and for a workplace that gives you space to heal properly. It might not sound like much, but for me, it was a massive exhale.
It’s still tiring, but it feels manageable – and most importantly, not overwhelming.
Also, good news: my physiotherapy got extended – 10 more sessions! Still continuing with the crawling, the standing, the sitting exercises, and of course, the occasional massage when I’m lucky 😅.
This past week has been short, but lighter. My energy is slowly coming back.
Yesterday, we spent the day with friends and their families – a little international food-sharing picnic. I brought leche flan and store-bought turon (Filipino street food: thin spring rolls filled with banana and brown sugar, sometimes jackfruit, and fried until crispy). There were Vietnamese spring rolls, summer rolls, Tom Kha Gai soup… the kids played with water and ran wild in the playground while we grown-ups just exhaled and caught up. It was wonderful.
And yes – I’m still in the Diamond League on Duolingo. Not sure how long I’ll last now that I’m (sort of) back to work, but for now I’m hanging on. I’ll call that a win.
I’ve learned that healing doesn’t always move in straight lines. Sometimes it loops back, slows down, or stumbles – and that’s okay. What matters is that we keep showing up for ourselves, one small step (or physio-approved crawl) at a time.
This season has been a mix of pain and progress, fear and relief, exhaustion and joy. But through it all, I’m reminded that strength isn’t always about pushing through – sometimes, it’s about knowing when to pause, ask for help, and give yourself the grace to heal.
And if that healing comes with a side of leche flan, friendly catch-ups, and a Duolingo owl watching your every move – even better.
Here’s to slow comebacks, kind systems, and the quiet courage of just trying again.
Let’s see what next week brings. 💚